Wintergirls...

"Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore, and worst of all, a disappointment. Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works.

For a while.

But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then its to late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you cant stop."

Why would anyone want this?

Yesterday

 Yesterday, i watched Akeelah and the Bee (haha). Near the end, this quote was spoken:

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" 

 

Straight out of Nelson Mandela's speech, I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it with all of you guys(:

 

I hope all of you lovelies have been doing well!

Live.

Doesn't everyone have all of those "I wish..." moments? Like I wish that I would just do what I love, I wish I could just drive without looking at a map, I wish I could just be carefree? The thing is, what is really holding us back? There are so many things I want to just do without actually thinking...like road tripping to California, as an example. But life is short, why don't we just go for what we love? Honestly, what is really holding us back? This is something I have been wondering for a while now. I know that with my ED, I hold back from lot's of things...dinners with friends; going to places where, GASP, food might be present; dealing with self-esteem issues that come with my eating disorder and so on and so forth. I just want to start living. Like this picture below, I want that to be me.

What about yall? What are your dreams, that you just want to do but you hold back?

(Th)Inspiration

Yesterday, I went on a rampage of looking at thinspiration-here were some of my faves for you to enjoy!

GOD BLESS AMERICA

oakldfjaklfjlkaf freaking out!!!!!!!! 
this picture is so touching, the firefighters' in times square 's reactions to the news(:

Shit.

Today, my friends are coming home from school for Easter weekend. And tonight, were going out to dinner. Shit. I hate being put in this situation. How am I going to NOT eat in front of them, they'll all question me. And I can't not go, it's all my best friends and I just can't turn this down.

Secondly, my mom has noticed my weight loss. Today, she told me to "make sure that I eat." Uh...okay....apparently I'm "looking skinny and bony." Alright, not gonna lie, I take that as a compliment. I don't think I look skinny, but okay! But now I'm gonna be monitered...eeek.

Lastly, the dreaded holiday. Easter. This Sunday. Fuck. Easter=a shitload of chocolate (my weakness) along with Easter dinner. Which will be all my favorite foods, my mom already informed me. So great, I'll be binging all day long, feeling like shit about myself, then spending all night over the toilet purging until I can't. Purging chocolate sucks. Happy fucking Easter.

Eh, I can't leave this post on such a pessimistic note. On one hand, Easter is a great holiday. It's super sweet that my family will be able to celebrate together, and I'm sure it'll be a fun day. And yes, I am very excited to see all my friends again this weekend.

Anyways, here's some thinspo to finish off this cray cray posting. Have a fabulous day, bitches(:

Time to get my shit together

that is all.


oh and happy 420 to all you stoners out there(:

Absolutely heartbreaking....

Please please please show this video around. If you haven't already seen it, this is Jade. She killed herself three days after making this video:

The impact of what people say is so strong. This absolutely broke my heart. Rest in peace, Jade <3

Well today SUCKS

Should have known things were going way too well.

A) I'm home alone (my parents are literally not in the state) and theres a tornado watch...i'm sure soon to be a WARNING ahhh so scared
B) Just found out I got denied from the ONE school that I applied to for transfer. FML

my life sucks. that is all. depressing day, hopefully itll get better

Doing Well(:

I've actually been doing pretty well lately. It's nice to have things going smoothly(: things are beautiful in NC, I actually just walked around my yard making bouquets for like an hour! And then I went to a show with my best friend, it was amazing. It feels so good actually getting back out there. Plus, I haven't binged and purged in the last couple of days, I'll be making a pact with myself that it won't happen again!

Today was a success:
Breakfast was just an iced coffee
Lunch: Odwalla mango juice, yummy(:
Dinner: Vegan vegetable soup

really good day! I'm proud of myself!

Anywayssssss here is a picture of my beautiful yard right now, I just had to share with the world!

Love you allllll, hope your doing well!
xoxo

Daily Inspiration

Today is all about INSPIRATION!! (:
Enjoy

I'm going to have a good day

The sun is shining, it's a beautiful 75 degrees outside, today WILL be a good day. I'm going to buy those wedges I've been dying for today, do something fun with my best friend, and NOT LET THE HATERS GET ME DOWN! Haha! I hope everyone who sees this/reads this joins in on a pact...today is going to be a great day!!!!

Love & Blessings xoxo

Round Two

Desperately I need a day for "mental health." I am getting so stressed out with school and working and I just don't have enough hours in a day. So I'm skipping my class to get some deserved R&R. Today has been fine so far, yesterday I almost passed out at work (fuck hypoglecimia). But today is all about "health." I decided to follow the advice on nymph's blog about two lists-one of five things you love about yourself, one of five things you hate. So here it is!

Five things that I hate:
1. My stomach
2. My hips
3. My upper arms
4. The fact that I try so hard to make other people happy, neglecting myself
5. my ED

  
Five things that I love:
1. My eyes
2. My best friends, I love them so much
3. My tan
4. That I am outgoing
5. my ED-life without it? too intimidating

There you have it! This is interesting to look at and think about it. You guys should do it for sure!
xoxo

Hello world!

Here we go. First Blog post: 1:19 AM on a Saturday night. This is my first time having a blog, so I guess I should introduce myself. I am 18 years old, living in the southern portion of the United States of America. I am absolutely in love with fashion, sunshine, clothes, caffiene, and raging. I hate cold weather, am recently a vegetarian, adore music, and most significantly, I have an ED that haunts me at every turn. I thought that I was rid of it once and for all, but it always comes back. Well, anyways, here it is, my first feeble attempt at creating a blog I can vent to, chat up, inspire, or just mess around with.
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"This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun."